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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and guess what? My computer crashes. Yup, all my work gone. I’m about to lose it. I mean, who even invented computers? I could’ve done this on paper! But no, I’m stuck in the 21st century. So, I spend the next hour trying to recover everything. Spoiler: I don’t.

Latvian Kekava voices concerns over new welfare standards